I Am Because We Are

When I last posted, I was preparing for my first trip back to the States after moving here last July.  I was nervous about what I faced at home, how much I felt like I had changed, and to be frank, about feeling like I would need to justify my happiness when I was living so far away from many of the aspects of life I love most.  


It’s crazy just how much has changed since that last post, and my trip home in December. Imagine Scholar and my little village, Kamhlushwa has come to feel like my home more than anywhere else in the world. When I moved here, it felt like such a massive leap out of my comfort zone. Over the course of the past year though, I’ve become really content with where I am, and love the feeling of fulfillment I experience everyday from work.  

This year has been a whirlwind of student successes! We’ve had 5 students accepted to the Yale Young Global Scholars programs in Singapore, Zimbabwe, and the US, a student accepted to the prestigious United World Colleges at the Dilijan Armenia campus, a team of students who built, raced, and won an electric vehicle competition, and 3 students selected to compete in South Africa’s Junior National Chess Championships.  What’s hard to believe is this only skims the surface of all of the incredible opportunities our students have been exposed to within this calendar year, and it’s only September! I’ve been blown away by the level in which our students are striving to achieve and the clear shift in mindset that has taken place inside our education center. 

It’s difficult to put into words what observing this process and living and working in an environment like Imagine Scholar has done for me. I think the best way to go about attempting to explain this is in the context of one of Imagine Scholar’s eight character traits, Ubuntu. Translated to English, Ubuntu can be described by the quote “I am what I am because of who we all are”.  Essentially Ubuntu focuses on the idea of humanity and human kindness to others.  Learning about and striving to live by this phrase has helped me to be more thoughtful and intentional in my decisions and interactions with others and also to appreciate the family that I’ve gained at Imagine Scholar. Each student and staff member has challenged me in some way to grow, be more open-minded, and more compassionate. 

From facilitating communications classes, to helping students write essays for various applications, traveling to Singapore with 3 students on their first trip outside of South Africa, to running arts and crafts workshops, I’m able to interact with my students in such a wide range of different roles, all of which bring me back to the same central idea. My students are incredibly remarkable people in so many ways. Each and every one of them is a leader, intellect, go-getter, sponge for knowledge, optimist, energizer, and friend and I feel lucky to have a group of such inspired, curious, and motivated people to look up to. 

Originally, my plan was to wrap up with Imagine Scholar and move back to the States in March of 2017. Last July, the idea of spending a year and a half living so far away from home seemed like a lifetime to me.  As my one year anniversary came and went though, it was evident how attached I’ve grown to this organization. I am so committed to the passion and mission of this family and this home so I am thrilled to share my news that I will continue to be a part of Imagine Scholar for at least the next year! After returning home for the holidays, I’ll be packing my bags and returning to South Africa for all of 2017! So, cheers to one year down and at least one more to go of learning, exploring, happiness, quirkiness and growth with my South African family!

Vulnerability

As I turned away in the airport, clutching my passport and with tears in my eyes, I couldn’t help but feel like I was willingly walking myself into the unknown.  Don’t get me wrong, I was so incredibly excited to be coming back, but at the same time I was absolutely terrified.  I like to think of myself as an adventurous person and someone willing to take chances and risks, but this decision, moving over 8000 miles away from home and all things familiar, fresh out of college, was by far my boldest move to date. While this place was familiar, there were so many question marks that I had bouncing around inside my brain. 

Looking back on the past four months as my first stint of time here in Nkomazi comes to a close, I can say without a doubt in sight that this was the right decision.  Yes, there are days when I don’t have an ounce of confidence in what I am doing. There are days when the only thought I have is I have no experience in teaching, so what the hell am I doing here?  There are days where I fully convince myself that I am not adequate for my job and I walk away from class feeling defeated and frustrated.  But these days are becoming less and less common.  And replacing them are feelings of reassurance, self-confidence and an overall appreciation for my abilities that I can honestly say I’ve never had before. 

Part of what made coming into this experience so absolutely terrifying was the fact that I was not in a very good place in my life prior to my departure.  Although in denial at the time, I was generally pretty unhappy, and hiding behind the smile and bubbly personality that was expected of me. 

One of the best parts of being surrounded by such reflective people, students and facilitators alike, is that it’s forced me to be honest with myself.  Between conversations with students at Imagine Scholar, and long car rides with facilitators on our weekend adventures, mixed with plenty of self-reflection, I’ve for the first time in a long time felt myself getting back to my genuinely happy being. 

It’s too easy to merely go through the motions in life because of an often times unconscious fear of truly feeling. Without even realizing, I had hit a point where I was shying away from vulnerability and closing myself off to the people and experiences around me.  But being here has inspired me to stop living my life this way.  I can’t say there was a specific moment here that brought me to this realization but I think rather many, many little moments over time. All of which have left me at the end of each day a little more content, a little more appreciative, and now four months later, a whole lot happier. 

So as I think about going home in just one short week, my emotions from my departure are the same but for different reasons. I feel excited yes, so excited to be surrounded by all of home’s familiarities and see my parents, and my one lonely doggy who just lost his best friend.  But more than anything I feel nervous. I feel nervous about slipping back into that place of negativity and that unhappy girl that I unknowingly left behind. 

It's the Little Things

It's hard to believe I've already been here for over 5 weeks.  Time has absolutely flown by and I find myself learning and growing more and more with each passing week.  I've now finished teaching my first unit with the grade 8s, 9s, and 10s, and will be moving into our month long poetry unit starting on Tuesday!

Poetry month is something I've been looking forward to since I first arrived.  I would not by any means consider myself a poet or even a writer of any type, but I have experienced first hand how therapeutic and cleansing the process of writing and sharing poetry can be.  To say I'm excited to share this experience with the students would be an absolute understatement.  Whether it's in class writings, reading journals, or personal work the students share with me, I'm continually impressed by how they express themselves using such thoughtful and articulate words.  This has been my inspiration and motivation to practice what I preach and use writing as a more creative outlet throughout my time here.

One of the many reasons I'm so excited for poetry month is because of the mentality of the students at Imagine Scholar.  Among other qualities, I've been both impressed and humbled by the student's abilities to appreciate the little things in life. As cliche as I know this sounds, Imagine Scholar has brought new meaning to this phrase for me.  I've spent a lot of time thinking about why this may be the case.  Why are these students able to be so much more appreciative than I was at their age? Why is it that they are able to see the larger scope of life and put things into perspective, when my peers and I were unable to do the same? I do not have the answers to these questions, but it's something I will continue to ponder.  I am however, appreciative that this mindset has worn off on me more and more throughout my time here.

Whether it's the daily hugs and smiles that I will never get tired of, making it through the day without losing power, or a cool and crisp morning (those don't happen very often here), I find that everyone is focused on the positives of life, no matter how simple and despite all the tragedy that occurs in this community.

Excited about our new brick walkway!

One thing I have really come to appreciate since being here is how much all of the people I'm surrounded by everyday are beginning to feel like a family.  Imagine Scholar is such a unique work environment where we not only work together but also live together.  In addition to the group of facilitators that live at Imagine Scholar, we also have a group of four charismatic, bright young ladies who are the Imagine Scholar graduate interns.  The girls come into the education center every morning and are a huge part of what makes this such a special place.  Add the roughly 50 students who are in and out everyday and I've gained one, big support network here.  Leaving everyone back home was by far the hardest part of embarking on this adventure, but each and every one of these people has reassured me in their own ways that coming here was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I want to take this opportunity to challenge anyone who is reading this.  At some point during the day, appreciate something little that you would normally glaze over.  Take the time to recognize that you are lucky to have all that you have in your life, whether it be your morning coffee, a stranger smiling and saying hello, or even just your electricity and running water, something many people around the world are not so fortunate to have.  Today, I'm feeling grateful for my fan that is helping me combat the uncomfortable heat that is telling me summer in the Nkomazi is just around the corner.  So what is it that you are going to stop and feel grateful for today?

Until next time, Sala Kahle!

Lessons to be Learned

Teaching. A career often thought of as something anyone can do.  A fall-back plan, a space-filler while preparing for the real job, or a career you come to later in life after you've already done the hard work.  It's taken me just two days of teaching to appreciate how completely off-base these ideas are.

After leading a unit alongside of another facilitator for two weeks, that the students absolutely devoured about the passion of reading and writing, I was feeling anxious but really thrilled about the idea of taking on the classroom by myself.  During these earlier classes I was able to bring excerpts of writing from pieces I love, and share them with the students.  I chose a snippet from Toni Morrison's, Beloved, which focuses on the idea of loving yourself, regardless of what others think or say as one piece to share. For my second piece, I selected the beginning of Dr. Seuss' Oh the Places You'll Go, which has inspired me throughout many different stages of my life to take chances and be independent without looking back.  I was able to juxtapose these two pieces and their writing style, Morrison and her sophisticated tone, against Seuss' playful rhyme-scheme, and share how they each convey a powerful message of self-reliance.  I was blown away by the student's interpretation of the writing, and their ability to apply these themes to their own lives.  Needless to say, these classes were quite inspiring and gave me much to look forward to for the coming weeks, months, and years of working with the Imagine Scholars.

Grade 9 students after our first passion class

Feeling excited and possibly a bit over-confident after the wild success of the passion unit, I began teaching on my own last Thursday.  My first class was with the Grade 9 students, who you can see pictured above.  Based on the zest and willingness to share that I saw the previous two weeks of class, I had similar expectations going into our first class discussion of Pro and Con articles.  Despite my own energetic presentation and having made an effort to pick an article which I thought would interest the students, I was greeted by silence, unenthusiastic spirits, and sleepy eyes.  After a class of my urging, encouraging, and begging for student participation without much reciprocation, I went to sleep Thursday night feeling confused about what went wrong, nervous about class the next day, and a bit discouraged.

I woke up Friday morning feeling determined to turn things around and luckily had the support of my Grade 10 students to help me do so.  With virtually the exact same lesson plan, my Friday class experience could not have been more different than the previous day.  Each and every student was eager to share their thoughts and opinions of the article, wanted to continue the class discussion after our class time had come to an end, and were asking if we would be able to continue the discussion into next week's class period.  I had to do little prompting, and instead was able to sit back and smile while I listened to the students' interpretations and impressions of the article.

Although Friday's class was more enjoyable than Thursdays, I learned a lot from my first two days of solo teaching.  I'm extremely lucky to be working with a group of highly motivated students, many of whom are at the very top of their class.  Despite this fact, I need to keep in mind that they are teenagers, who are still working through how to feel comfortable and confident with themselves. Even if they have the answers, they aren't always going to share them in front of their peers.  This was also a good reminder that this is just as much a learning experience for me as it is the students.  As I stated earlier, I can say without a doubt that teaching is NOT easy, and is something I hope I will learn to become successful at overtime, but that may not always be the case for now.  I know there will be days that I walk away feeling as confused and discouraged as I did on Thursday, and I need to learn to take these days in stride and grow from them, instead of dwelling and feeling defeated.

Luckily, this is just the beginning of the journey and I have lots of ideas and support to help me every step of the way! Until next time, Sala Kahle!

Reflections On My First Week Back

After an emotional departure from Old Lyme a little over a week ago, driving down our dirt road last Thursday evening, and returning to Kahmlushwa felt more like home than I honestly expected it to.  Upon arrival, I learned that I was being greeted by a community-wide power outage, which was less than invigorating after nearly 48 hours of traveling.  However, my spirits were immediately lifted when I walked into the education center and saw the smiling faces of two of my favorite Imagine Scholar boys, Ncamiso and Simphiwe.

The next morning, after meeting with some of the other facilitators, I again felt overwhelmed by the role I've taken on with Imagine Scholar, and the impending task of teaching a group of high school students how to critically read and write.  Regardless of the transition period I have before I take the classroom on by myself, I couldn't begin to wrap my head around the idea of this massive responsibility.

As two o'clock rolled around and students began to trickle into the education center, my self-doubts and worrying was washed away.  Familiar faces of the students I tearfully said goodbye to last year ran over to me for big hugs, smiles and giggles as we reunited.  Over the course of the afternoon as more and more students arrived, I rejoiced with the grade 10s and 11s about the excitement of my return to Imagine Scholar.  I also had the great pleasure of meeting the grade 9s, who although timid, I immediately felt a connection to their enthusiasm.

As class began and the excitement settled, I was reminded why I love this place so much and was so eager to return.  The genuine and passionate nature of the students, their eagerness to learn and grow as young scholars, their dedication to each other and the community that has evolved within the gates of Imagine Scholar, and the warm hugs and smiles at the beginning and end of everyday as the students come and go.  I love that the students have the ability to inspire and motivate me every single day to demonstrate the dedication and passion for education that each and every one of them embodies.  Without even realizing, these students push me to be the best that I can possibly be as both an educator and a learner, while leaving space and not only accepting but encouraging failure as a natural and important part of these processes.

I feel very lucky to be a part of such a unique environment of young people, helping and motivating on both individual and community levels to learn something new everyday.  Here marks the beginning of my year and half journey with Imagine Scholar.